I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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