Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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