So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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