I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize