the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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