ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
