WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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