I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
