yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
