YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize