also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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