Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
