Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
