Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
