what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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