Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
