no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
