I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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