who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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