I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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