For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
