He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
