You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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