The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are the jesus of drinking
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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