I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
