My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
