She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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