i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize