I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
