Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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