I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize