my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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