when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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