Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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