Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
