cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
