i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
