They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize