So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
