If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
