A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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