i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
