I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
