She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
