you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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