Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
