That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
