I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
