Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
