i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
