very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
