I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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