Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
