I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
