oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
