Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize