**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
