i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
