Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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