Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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