positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
