I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
