I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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