Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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