it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
