I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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