I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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