you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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