i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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