its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
