Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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