Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
