I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
