it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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