Screwed.edu
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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