$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize