gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
