My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have fence marks all over my body
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
