I will die if light touches me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
