I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want her autograph on my taint
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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