New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
