wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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