I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
