how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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