We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
