I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
