her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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