she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
