What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
