My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
