I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize