I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
