I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
