Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
