i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
