my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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