When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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