i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
love makes seman taste better
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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