My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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