I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
