i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
