I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
