She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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