DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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