everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
