the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is my gift to your gina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
