Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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