soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
