We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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