Porn is love you can see.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
