you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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