she woke up with a sticky ear
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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