Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Never joke about your clitoris.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
