Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
