my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize