if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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