You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
