Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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